Modern day dating makes me cringe!!!! For many of us born in the 80’s and 90’s dating was very different. You were approached by a guy on the street or he sent his friends if he was nervous, bought you a drink, sometimes a letter. You spent hours on the phone getting to know each other. You listened to your parents talk about how they met, or listened in on older cousins brag or watched movies like Love Jones, Love and Basketball and the list goes on.
Then out of nowhere came the cell phone, which brought in texting. Ok cool.
Then came social media, which kind of started out with AOL instant messenger, Hotmail, then Myspace and others. Not so cool
These technologies revolutionized the game. Now to think of it Myspace was the original tinder. Who knew the way we date will change forever, view a profile, like it swipe left or right and hope for a match.
What’s more interesting for younger generations this is a norm, this idea of dating is actually really normal!!!
But for some of us this is not normal, we still want that old school ‘approach me’ thing. We are still hoping for that face to face reaction. You heard of courting growing up and almost feel like that’s the way it should be done. To me the app sometimes can be so vain, it’s all based on looks and a one liner of them selling themselves to you. I have meet several people with nightmare stories of online dating, and yet heard of beautiful love stories. The most consistent is you must kiss a couple frogs to get to a prince. That seems to be most relevant, anyone can make themselves look good on social media. So you literally will have to check them off and go through the list until one sticks.
Living in the Netherlands has forced me to step out of my comfort zone. So I sucked up my pride (yes it was that serious to me) and I joined Tinder ( that was short lived- I hated it, story coming soon) then “Inner Circle” (which was way better). I am by no way an expert to online dating and I am still not the biggest fan but hey I guess I have to adjust to changing times. After deleting apps, going back and fourth, and talking to my friends these are my best advice for newbies to online dating.
1. Getting Coffee is actually a Date.
Ok, call me spoiled but in the past all my dates included dinners, drinks, or somewhere impressive where I was required to dress up a little but. However nowadays getting coffee is a date. It is kind of the first meeting point of deciding if you want to go on a real date. That way the encounter is light, fast, and without commitment.
2. You are not Exclusive
I can be a bit territorial. So it can be weird going on a date with someone and then a hour later you see that they are active online. However you are too, but for some reason you think it is acceptable for you but they must be so smitten by you that they have swore their loyalty to you.. Haha. Yes I know it sounds crazy. I had to get over that real quick.
3. Ladies you can make the move!
Again, I am traditional girl, so writing the first message is not my thing. I HATE it. I am still working on this point, but apparently it is ok. I know it’s scary but whats the worse a “Hi” can do. I spoke to several guy friends who saw nothing wrong with making the first move, they actually encourage it. It really just might be me living in the 1940’s
4. Be bold and say what you want
The good thing with online dating is you can be who you want. Don’t pretend, in your bio say what you want and what you are into. I honestly respect people who say” looking for fun, no strings attached” I am disgusted but I respect it. You set clear guidelines and boundaries before you even go on that coffee date.
Even on coffee dates, because the mood is light you can say what you want and just be yourself with no added pressure.
I love sharing stories about these apps because NO ONE HAS THE ANSWERS. Some people have absolute success and some a disaster. Some days I am optimistic some months I can’t be bothered. But just like the Lotto: You have to be in it to win it.