Imagine a Beautiful educated girl.. She dates gets a boyfriend has sex fall in love than a few months sometimes even years later gets heartbroken and tries to put the pieces together. Repeat this story about 5x. This my friends is the vicious cycle of dating. I decided two years ago to get off the rollercoaster and focus on me. 2 years Celibate and Satisfied
WHY– Because I was TIRED. Tired of giving all of myself only to be disappointed. Tired of all the complications of relationships. Sex was actually a small part of it. I was emotionally drained from investing time, and energy into a guy. I needed a break.
Let’s rewind a little. I initially thought I would be celibate for a year and then jump back in the groove of things. The plan was to move to Amsterdam, focus on grad school and see what happens next. But Honey… God had a plan. A year passed and couldn’t imagine having sex. Another year later and we are looking at two years my friends. In that time I grew closer to God then ever before. I really fully understand the constitution of sex. Sex is a beautiful thing but just imagine how amazing it will be when you truly get to know someone on a deep spiritual and emotional level. A level where you are already in love and not Lust (huge difference). Then add sex to the equation what an amazing experience that will be. So intense and explosive!!
How has it changed me
For One, I got to know myself on a level I didn’t know was possible. Yes, we all claim we know ourself and that we’re good but when is the last time you really spent some alone time with yourself and not just a day, or a few weeks. When your phone is dry and you’re home alone you start to analyze and think. My time alone has allowed me to assess every relationship I was in, but most importantly assess myself. I began to dig deep within myself on my behaviors, thoughts and emotions. I could firmly tell you today that I found a strength in me that was not possible when I was giving it away.
Miss me with the Bull-Shit!
Dear Trifflin brother.. STOP.DROP AND ROLL. I don’t know what it is but it is like I got 20/20 vision on the BS. I can peep the game from a mile away. Clearing my mind has allowed God to give me discernment like no other.
One of the great things about being single is you can focus on your goals and life wholeheartedly. Even when I was in a relationship I was achieving everything I set my mind to. However my vision is much more clear. I know exactly what I want and won’t allow any BS to stop me. No, I do not have all the answers, but I do have a direction and that is based on my desires and God’s plan for me.
The Repair Shop
One of the joys of self assessment is realizing the mistakes you have made and not repeating them. My time working on myself has also allowed me to forgive. Jumping from relationship to relationship does not allow you to fully heal you oftentimes are carrying the weight, hurt, and pain from the past. Many of us have trust issues because we never allowed ourselves time to heal from the trust that was broken in the last relationship so we carry that pain like a huge imaginary LV bag hoping some guy will come and repair us. But guess what only you can repair yourself.
In the two years I have taken time to not only evaluate but to repair and heal any trust issues, insecurities and doubts I had from the past. I have prepared myself so that I will not be swindled by the BS and that the next man will receive a clean woman free from the hurt from the past.
I wish I did this earlier in my life. Trust it would have saved me from soooooooooooooooo much. I would love to keep the conversation going email me or comment below any questions you may have about the celibacy journey.